The Drunken Old Fool

Oh, the old man he came home one night as drunk as he could be.
He saw a coat upon the rack where his coat ought to be.
“My good wife, my dear wife, my darlin’ wife” said he,
“whose coat is that upon the rack where my coat ought to be?”
“Oh, you old fool, you blind fool, you doddering fool” says she,
“it’s nothing but a bed quilt me uncle sent to me.”
“I’ve traveled the world over ten thousand times or more,
but buttons on a bed quilt I’ve never seen before.”

Oh, the old man he came home again as drunk as he could be.
He saw some boots beneath the bed where his boots ought to be.
“My good wife, my dear wife, my darlin’ wife” said he,
“whose boots are these beneath the bed where my boots ought to be?”
“Oh, you old fool, you blind fool, you doddering fool” says she,
“it’s nothing but some milk jugs me uncle sent to me.”
“I’ve traveled the world over ten thousand times or more,
but spurs upon a milk jug I’ve never seen before.”

He stumbled home the next night as drunk as he could be.
He saw a face between the sheets where no face ought to be.
“My good wife, my dear wife, my darlin’ wife” said he,
“whose face is that between the sheets where my face ought to be?”
“Oh, you old fool, you blind fool, you doddering fool” says she,
“it’s nothing but a cabbage head me uncle sent to me.”
“I’ve traveled the world over ten thousand times or more,
but a mustache on a cabbage head I’ve never seen before!”